Keeping the Peace by Staying Out of Grown Folks' Business

With the beginning of the new year, many of us are making New Year's Resolutions - some we'll forget about within the next few weeks, others we might hang onto for a little while longer, but here's one that you should think about. This one will certainly make your life less stressful. I was instructed to do this quite often as a child, but still try to live by this rule: Stay Out of Grown Folks Business!

From time to time, we find ourselves in the middle of very uncomfortable situations - at work, at a family reunion, shopping at the mall. If you interact with people, you are bound to find yourself in a conversation, situation or relationship that makes you want to blurt out what you really feel, but really, why do we feel the need to always share our personal beliefs or feelings with everyone? Sometimes, people just need to mind their own business.

It's hard enough for adults to stay out of grown folks' business, but if you do nothing else, keep your kids out of grown folks' issues. For example, your 5 year old doesn't need to know what child support is or that her raggedy father isn't paying it. I can't believe some of the things people tell their kids. That's grown folks business.

When I was a child, it certainly wasn't fair of my mother to bring me into her business. I did not need to know that she was being sexually assaulted by my father. There were far too many grown folks' conversations held in my presence.

This may have happened to you: You see your girlfriend's man holding hands with another woman in the Neiman's jewelry department. You realize he saw you too. Now what? You have 2 choices:
· say nothing to anyone - not your business
· tell her right away - she either cusses you out and calls you a liar; asks you to ride with her to the other woman's house (don't you love it when we want to kick the other woman's butt and not the cheating man's butt) where you know something crazy is about to jump off; or says she already knows about it

This happens too often: You're in the car with two family members and they start arguing about who paid for everything the last three times. Well, since one of them isn't working, we already know how this one is going to go. It really doesn't matter who paid the last time, if somebody's broke, the other has to pay. The only way around this is to not invite the broke family member in the first place. This isn't very nice, but sometimes it just is what it is....

Another true story: How would you have handled this situation? You're shopping with a family member and her husband. She's crazy and out of control and slaps him in the face in the store. Thank goodness he doesn't slap her back. He just calmly walks away and goes to the car to wait for crazy to complete her shopping. Well, what do you say? Do you let this crazy heifer think what she did was cute and justified or tell her that she's dead wrong and should apologize and see a therapist? I say the best thing is to stay out of grown folks' business whenever possible.

Of course, if someone is being abused or mistreated, you should do your best to gently deal with the issue. But in general, you don't need to add your $.02 to the conversation being held at the next table just because the restaurant is a public place. It's also not your place to tell sister-girl with the purple hair and too-tight clothes that she's a hot mess. Somebody might think that's cute.

Hell, you might look like a hot mess yourself and just don't realize it yet....

Drunk Uncles and Other Family Alcoholics: Preparing Your Home for the Holidays

Happy Holidays!

Many of us are preparing our homes for out-of-town visitors this month. You may have purchased new linens for the guest rooms, steam cleaned the carpets, scrubbed and polished every corner... but don't forget to prepare for your Drunk Uncle. We all have one - or many.

I would like to offer a few tips for preparing your home for the drunken uncles and other alcoholic relatives that will be visiting. The most important thing to remember is that you love these people – well, most of them, because you are obligated to do so – so don’t get upset with them when they behave the way they always do. Just be prepared and try to have a sense of humor.

1. Remove All Alcohol from the House

Locking the liquor cabinet just won't do - you will need to remove all alcohol from your home (don’t forget the cough syrup and mouthwash). No, the attic, garage and car trunk are not going to work. Do you really think you can hide liquor from a drunk? And don’t even think about serving that beautiful red wine that you’ve been saving unless you don’t mind watching your drunken uncle “take it to the head.”

I remember the time I borrowed a bottle of gin from a friend for a dinner party. I actually thought I could hide it from my alcoholic father. I thought the back of my closed, behind a large stuffed animal, and wrapped in a winter blanket, in a box, was good enough. Nope, not for my clever dadaholic. Somehow his radar picked up the scent of the gin. A few weeks passed, and when I retrieved the bottle from its hiding place so that it could be returned; only a few shots remained. I only served 4 shots for the party... WTF happened to the ½ gallon of gin?

2. Protect Your Furniture

Cover the sofa and chairs - trust me, someone is going to pee or worse. Even if you have no liquor in the house, don't forget who you're dealing with... drunks. Drunks will show up drunk. Would you expect less?

There is nothing worse than finding urine or a feces stain on your brand new sofa. Or worse, let's say a beloved aunt makes a hand-made quilt for you and your alcoholic father decides to borrow it without asking. There is a reason no one likes to lend him valuable or cherished items... he pees and craps on them!

3. Hide the Knives and other Lethal Weapons

Do I really need to explain? No one likes an angry drunk and you don’t want blood on your favorite table cloth or the new carpet in the family room. Just to be safe, break out the fancy plastic utensils.

4. Warn Your Neighbors

This will be very embarrassing, but less embarrassing than to try to explain why your uncle took a crap on their lawn. Or why their dog is drunk because your dad shared his beer with the “poor furry bastard.”

It may not be too bad if the neighbor has their own drunken uncle, but if you live next to Mormons, Muslims or an Amish family, you may need to buy them ear plugs and gifts.

5. Have Plenty of Paper Towels on Hand – There Will be Vomit

One of the most ‘charming’ characteristics of an alcoholic is that they don’t know when to stop drinking. Even after peeing their pants, falling face first into the glass coffee table, or blacking out repeatedly during dinner, you country cousin will keep on drinking. There will be vomit….

6. The Most Important Thing to Remember – Maintain Your Sense of Humor

Life is short – enjoy your time with your loved ones, no matter how embarrassing, ignorant or rude they can be – you love these people. Not sure why, that’s just the way it is….

Please feel free to share your tips for preparing your home for drunken holiday visitors.